i dont have anything to say. anything that matters or anything i have any kind of energy for. i feel cold. i am more distant than ever. and most importantly i feel empty and so, so so tired. i seriously dont know how it got to this or why i am still alive. i am rotten and dirty. for months or maybe even a year ive been struggling more and more to take care of myself and do the things that'd i know would get me somewhere. it all feels pointless. maybe i dont have some hidden talent. ive been wrapped up 24/7 in delusions and dreams that have yet to come true because i am disgusting and unworthy. "i want to-" this, "i want to that" but no matter what i cant. fucking. do it. i want to throw it all away, but i cant. i want to run away, but i cant. i want to change, but i cant. i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant. i feel so hopeless. it feels like my story cant go any further. im lost, im jaded, and i am nothing at the moment.